The Gains And Pains Of (Not) Writing!

 

I sit in front of the laptop and stare at the screen in frustration and despair.

I have been fighting a creative block since many days. The experts say that there is no use fighting it, and that it is best to relax and step back whenever one is facing a creative block.

I feel restless if I don’t attempt to write. I feel frustrated when I attempt and fail. Oh, the turmoil!

In moments of sheer desperation, negativity rises to the surface and whispers, ‘All this struggle, and for what exactly? What do you gain by writing? Money? Followers? Subscribers? Fame? Recognition? Is it worth it – to struggle mentally, to write page after page, blog after blog, book after book, only to get single-digit views and readership?’

I can’t deny that I have succumbed to such negativity time and again. I have questioned my existence as a writer. I have wondered whether I can be called a writer, whether I justify the term.

Here is a candid truth – the process of writing has given me more moments of despair than happiness.

So why do I write then?

I write because I cannot ‘not write’. Because the blog/story demands words from me, because the untold story brimming in my mind makes me restless if I do not give words to it.

When the restlessness comes, nothing matters – viewers, readership, comments, likes, none of these make a difference. There is just this urgency to publish the blog/story wreaking havoc in my mind. And once I publish it, I feel complete. At peace. Like I did something.

So, if asked, what do I gain from writing, I would say, I do not gain anything. But I sure lose a lot by not writing, the foremost in the list being peace of mind. And oddly, this fact gives me hope – that the unfinished draft stuck up at a crucial point will move ahead someday, that my blog site will be updated, may be not as frequently as I would like to, but time and again. The restlessness serves as an obstacle to writing, and strangely, it is this restlessness itself which will ensure that I will keep writing, come what may.