Do Not Just Exist; Live!

As I remind my kid for the umpteenth time to set aside the mobile and devote some time for studies, and as he gets irritated, a wry thought crosses my mind. How and when did I become so uncool?! 

I have always tried to stay poised, as much as I can. It has not always been a success, but the moments of calm and poise have outnumbered the moments of panic, at least till now. But off late, I find myself often getting panicky or anxious. While a cough, in the younger days, used to be just a cough and nothing else, now it makes me search for dire diseases in the internet. While the prospect of travel used to bring in excitement and a good sense of anticipation in the past, now it adds to the anxiety, reminding of all the tasks and responsibilities to be dealt with the travel. While meeting new people and clicking with them instantly, used to be something natural, now a simple message that I send to someone makes me wonder whether there was anything hurtful or wrong about the message.

How did it come to it that there was a time when we used to actually live but now we just exist?

I find myself searching more and more articles about 'peace of mind', 'mental well-being', 'how to be happy', etc. It should not have come to this. Happiness used to be a natural state of mind and now I try, most of the times, too hard, to seek it. My search for happiness, and my efforts to live and not just exist, have brought in some insights that I would like to share with you, dear reader, in the hope that you too can relate to these.

Be aware of the impermanence of the moment. Often, when we feel low, we sink into despair, wondering whether it will always be like this for us. The truth is, situations change and our feelings and emotions change too. Today you might be at your lowest but tomorrow morning, you wont feel the same. Awareness that what we are feeling is only in that particular moment, is the first step to deal with our emotions in a better manner. The second step is to embrace the feeling. Often we try to divert our mind from pain or grief by trying to do something that will take off our attention from the issue. This only provides a temporary respite. When we embrace the emotion and sit with it for a while, we experience it fully the way it is meant to be felt. You will realize that the feeling leaves when you embrace it wholeheartedly and you will actually attain a state of alertness, being totally in that moment and experiencing it fully. This is one of the best healing mechanisms that we can adopt. Instead of avoiding any emotion, embrace and experience it fully. 

Avoid what is not good for your peace. Being prone to anxiety and panic, I avoid everything that triggers these. Be it something as trivial as a cricket-match or a violence/horror movie or confrontation, I give a safe pass to these. At this stage, all I want is to feel comfortable and to be at peace. Gone are the days of thrill and excitement. Those aren't for me anymore. Feeling secure and comfortable wherever and however I am is now of utmost importance to me. Minding my own business most of the times, not interfering much in other's matters, keeping to myself and spending most of the day in silence help me a lot in staying calm and poised. I am sure there are better ways to be at peace, but this is the path I have chosen. To each one their own! Choose your path for peace and mental well-being, and stay in it wholeheartedly and with no regrets!

Try to find happiness in little things. It is often the small things that bring in the most happiness. It could be something as trivial as a change in the daily routine. It could be an unexpected trip to the mall, or just an impromptu walk in the morning or evening. It could be a new recipe you tried which turned out well. It could be a phone call from a friend or a family member. The secret is to limit our expectations and be grateful for everything we have at the moment. As the saying goes, the Universe does not owe us anything. When we perceive everything around us as a gift from the Universe, we learn to find happiness in little things. 

Take it easy. None of us is going to make it alive! What will we do with the heavy baggage of regrets, grudges, anger, hatred and disappointments? So what if things did not go as per your plan, there is always another day and plan B. So what if someone did a mistake? See it as what it is - a mistake, and move on! So what if your past was traumatic, or the future seems dreary? At least you are alive this very moment, and to be alive, is the greatest hope you will ever have. Where there is life, there is hope. Take it easy with life. Go easy on yours as well as other's mistakes. Do not be obsessed with the past or the future. Be grateful that you are alive now, and be at peace. 

Accept yourself for what you are, and others, for what they are! Often we have issues with our own selves and when we see others making any mistake that reminds us of our own perceived imperfection, we switch on our harsh mode and lash out on them. Firstly, you need not be perfect. Look around, no one is. Secondly, accept people for what they are. No one has it easy, and everyone is trying to cope with life in the best possible way. Be kind to them. Be kind to yourself too. 

Well, this can go on for a while. What I really want to say is, there is no single foolproof method to live and enjoy life. It is not as if one day, you will have your moment of realization and life will drastically change after that. No, it does not happen so. To live is to daily seek your moments. It is a continuous training. But you do have an option to enjoy the process. 

I have not reached the promised state of bliss and happiness. But every day, I try to find my moments of peace and calm. The journey is on. I have a long way to go but I have set out and that itself feels like a small achievement for me. 

Find out what makes life easier for you, and do that. Enjoy the process of moving through life, one moment one day at a time. Be kind, be at peace and live light. Most importantly, do not just exist; live!