Change Not The Dream But The Path!

Blogging has gradually turned into an outlet for my thoughts, a sort of a journal.

I remember the first time I had come across the concept of blogging. It was 2008, and I was on a short break from jobs and was feeling restless as a homemaker. At that time the social media hadn't sprung up, or if it had, I had no idea about it. I do not exactly remember how I came across the concept of blogging, but somehow I did, and it was like a dream come true for me, the aspiring writer. I started writing short blogs and shared them with my family and close friends. The response was quite encouraging and I started on a sojourn which would gradually become my escape from reality.

I remember writing those days for the sheer pleasure of writing and not to gain any views or comments. That I could write something - that itself was a thing to be happy.  Everything changed when I discovered the disillusioned joy of social media.

Suddenly there were apps wherein I could share my blogs, there were public sites where I could tag readers and get my blogs noticed. The first few blogs got a good response and I was really elated.

The real problem started when I made the viewership of my blogs as a base for writing them. The pleasure of writing dwindled along with the dwindling number of readers, for people won't be able to read each and every one of your blogs. Every one has a life!

I firmly believe in the concept of working without attachments to the results. But in the process of writing, this rule is a bit difficult to practice. I did the very thing that a writer should not do - get addicted and concerned about getting readers. The low viewership is not exactly encouraging. I never imagined the journey of writing would be filled with so many challenges!

Sometimes, when I read a book and I see the protagonist of the book, a wanna-be writer, hit pay-dirt right on her first attempt at publishing a book and raking in millions, or getting millions of views in her first blog or vlog itself, it makes me want to laugh. The reality could not be more different!

Since a week, my dream of making it as a writer, troubled me a lot. There were several plots in my mind and I wondered what to do about them - whether to publish them as blogs, or as books. I actually wrote the pros and cons for each. Blogs would probably garner more readers than books. But publishing a book would mean having a book in my name, which is the ultimate dream of every struggling author. Ultimately the blogs won and I posted the first chapter of a new series as a blog. The idea of publishing a book has been set aside for now.

I have vowed to not to check the viewership of the first blog until I post the second, which is a week later. It is not an easy dream to pursue - this dream of making it big as a writer. But I will not change the dream! If I am not a writer, then I do not know what I am. 

I feel I have drawn a complete circle today as I am back to the stage of writing without thinking about viewership or readers. I see so many of my friends post their write-ups on the social media sites and trying to get viewers. I see my friends promoting their books. I see many, many like me, writing and hoping that people would read their write-ups.

The dream will always be a difficult one. This part of the dream I cannot change. But there are some things that I can change about it. I am, with great difficulty, trying to overcome the attachment to the results, i.e. the number of readers or viewership my write-ups will get. It was this attachment that made my writing journey all the more difficult. Now that I am trying to give this up, it feels much easier to write my blogs. It feels like a weight has suddenly lifted from my mind.

I remind myself time and again as to why I write. Not for success, not to get readers or views, but to give words to the story that was brewing in my mind. When this becomes your primary motive to write, all other factors disappear and you write freely without a care in the world. I am not saying that I will never get discouraged by the lack of readers or comments. But when I find myself at a low phase of writing, I will remember my initial days of writing, when I wrote when there was no social media or followers. That was writing for writing's sake. That was pure work, with no attachment or expectations.

It will take me time to get back to that state. But I am putting in some efforts. One day I will get to that state of writing only for the sake of writing and not worrying about viewership. But for now, it is one day, one step, one blog without expectations at a time!